Ways To Annoy Akashi Seijuro
by Mia Amano
Summary: I shall live.
1. how to annoy the shortest captain

_**Hello peeps! hope you are all having a good day!**_  
_**I couldn't go to sleep...so this happened XD, anyways it's just for fun, so yea i hope you don't mind anything.**_  
_**enjoy!**_

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1\. tell him his name starts with 'A' and so does 'asshole'.

2\. call him red demon.

3\. ask him if his emperor eye works on himself.

4\. get a pair of red scissors and let it rust.

5\. carve the words 'absolute shit' on it.

6\. gift him those scissors.

7\. write 'From:(your name) To:(scissor addict) on the greeting card.

8\. cut off the rest of his hairs with those scissors.

9\. call him Bakashi.

10\. Akashit is also good.

11\. ask him to tell a joke.

12\. dye his horse Yukimaru all red so it looks like him.

13\. whenever he is around Kagami, yell 'i ship it'.

14\. ask him how his mother died,on a daily basis.

15\. tell everyone he is gayyy.

16\. call him a chuunibyou.

17\. tell him Kido Tsubomi is a better leader than him.

18\. say tofu's for bitchez with no teeth.

19\. show his eyes to death the kid.

20\. call him short,then say you can help him about it.

21\. tell him about the dragon balls and send him on a journey to find them.

22\. convince shenron to tell him that it's beyond his power to make him taller.

23\. write 'nijimura's property' on his face while he is asleep.

24\. call him a nerd.

25\. lock him in a room with Izaya.

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**that's all for now, I will add more later.**


	2. I have no idea how I come up with these

26\. tell him his first name starts with 's' and so does 'shorty' and 'straw berry'.

27\. tell him his emperor is useless as Yamcha against Levi.

28\. call him a noob in shogi.

29\. tell him to drink milk.

30\. say he is gayer than Sasuke.

31\. play shogi against him and flip the table on him if on the verge of losing.

32\. make him play shogi with Izaya.

33\. challenge him to a rap battle.

34\. tell him not to smile 'cause he looks ugly.

35\. ask him if he makes Murasakibara give him piggy back rides.

36\. ask him how it's like to have little legs.

37\. tell him that his intelligence can't make up for his height.

38\. ship him with Furihata.

39\. tell him to learn something from Izuki senPIE since his jokes are ABSOLUTEly not funny.

40\. introduce him to the amazing world of knb fanfictions.

41\. yaoi fanfictions on wattpad to be exact.

42\. ask him if he has a secret diary.

43\. afterwards,threaten him to spill out each and every word he has written on his dairy if he didn't wrote a yaoi fanfic about him and Furihata.

44\. spoil any book he might be reading.

45\. tell him you would never get a hair cut from him.

46\. ask him which ship does he prefer,akariko or akafuri.

47\. ask him if he would give up his emperor eye in exchange for getting taller.

48\. ask him if he has some sort of mental illness.

49\. call him a narcissit.

50\. lock him in a room with Nishinoya Yuu.

51\. call him a snob.

52\. call him a mortal.

53\. then say you will come to his funeral.

54\. call him a pipsqueak.

55\. spoil the series for him.

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**sorrynotsorry**


	3. result of obsessing over KNB xD

_**Hello! miss me ehehe xD~? lol jk anyways so first of all I would like to thank everyone who have read this shit so far, I never thought it get where it is today, it's a lot for me! so lemme just ASFSAGDFVBAWETGSDFHBSADGDFG-sorrynotsorry OH AND I thought I should make ways to annoy the generation of idio- I mean 'miracles' as well! so what do you say?  
(YeS i WrOtE tHiS wHeN i WaS hAvInG pRoBlEm GoInG tO sLeEp I dOn'T kNoW wHy It'S aLwAyS tHiS wAy gsjkll';kkkkksfj awel; I literally smashed my head over the keyboard)  
**_**_well without further ado here it is:_  
**

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56\. ask him if he is into yaoi.

57\. call him a bitch.

58\. call him a december baby.

59\. make him do the chubby bunny challenge.

60\. then tell him to say 'midget' instead of bunny.

61\. ask him if he is always on his man period since he always looks like he is restraining himself from bitch-slapping someone.

62\. tell him to go read a bible or something.

63\. say he sounds like a crow.

64\. tell him 'if you are hotter than me,then i'm cooler than you'.

65\. tell him to stop trying to be Batman.

66\. tell him if his emperor eye can't see through clothes then its useless as Yamcha.

67\. lock him in a room with Iron man.

68\. tell him Akaito Shion is his long lost brother.

69\. ask him the meaning of '69'.

70\. ask him if he thinks he is more perfect than Sebastian.

71\. tell him his hairs are not actually red.(IT LOOKS HOT PINKish OR IS IT JUST ME)

72\. and neither is he actually an emperor.

73\. ask him if he would join the Homra.

74\. ask him 'why did the chicken cross the road'.

75\. ask if he has a crush on Reo,Kouki...or anyone else...coughKurokocough.**  
**

76\. call him a freak.

77\. ask him if he likes pickled ginger.

78\. then send him some of that and wakame on his birthday.

79\. ask him 'how' does he talk to Murasakibara.

80\. ask him would he rather kill his father...or join his mother!


	4. sorry for all the crappy titles

_**Yea...same problem,I couldn't go to sleep again (눈_눈) but I guess it ain't all that bad (¬‿¬) as long as it makes people laugh.**_

_**oh and thank you for all the previous comments!**_

_**well enjoy~~~ (~˘▾˘)~**_

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81\. call him a puny captain.

82\. lock him in a room with Goku.

83\. say he is a fire type Pokemon.

84\. stomp on his foot.

85\. introduce him to Yuno Gasai and Juuzo Suzumiya.

86\. ask him if he is secretly a tsundere.

87\. throw a basketball at him.

88\. ask him if he thinks Kotaro looks like pikachu.

89\. call him an old man.

90\. make him play 'rock,paper,scissors'.

91\. ask him if he is Sasori in disguise.

92\. or wanna be Gaara.

93\. tell him his zodiac sign is shit.

94\. shower him with glitters.

95\. sprinkle salt on him.

96\. ask him if he has imaginary friends.

97\. then say you have as well even if he says no.

98\. get him drunk and videotape everything.

99\. sell the video to the fan girls and post it all over the internet with the tag drunksei-chan.

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**welp since I can't reply to unregistered accounts I'm going to answer them here:**

**(to Acio) well thank you and I do expect that to happen XD.**

**(SHUTOKUSHADOW) thank you! and yes there's more to where this came from xD.**


	5. this ain't the last of me (ಠ ಠ)

_**eyy yo bros! thought I should update it soon,and yup,its past 5 in the morning xD SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK.**_

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101\. ask him if he is a virgin.

102\. or already raped by the fan girls.

103\. tell him the first and last letters in his name makes 'ai'.

104\. ask him what shows did he watched as a kid.

105\. lock him in a room with Ciel.

106\. throw some "yo mama's" jokes at him.

107\. set up blind dates for him.

108\. ask him if he is a vampire.

109\. ask him what's his OTP.

110\. call him a shota.**_(I can't believe I actually missed this)_**

111\. tell him to 'get laid' already.

112\. ask him if he has a tumblr account.

113\. or any internet crush.

114\. ask him if he secretly collects barbie dolls.

115\. tell him to go back to his own planet.

116\. lock him in a room with Izuki.

117\. ask him if Reo's actually his personal babysitter.

118\. ask him if he ever peed his pants when he was little.

119\. knock him out,get him dressed in bunny/neko clothes,take pictures,post them online,lock him up somewhere,go to moon for safety.

120\. send Nijimura a valentines card from him.

121\. dare him to sing the opening of Spongebob.

122\. send Justin Bieber a love letter from him.

123\. ask him if he is one of the Nazi's.

124\. or Adolf Hitler and his someone special's lovechild.

125\. tell him to call Riko 'senpai'.


	6. Eyy you know the drill by now X3

_**OMG THE LAST KNB EPISODE WAS FULL OF FEEELSSS!**_

_**POOR KUROKO POOR MOMOI AND POOR SHIGE AHHH!**_

_**I was kinda surprised about how Midorima was less of an asshole to Kuroko,yet they were both like 'I hate this guy' in season one xD**_

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126\. tell him that Touka Kirishima can kick his ass anytime,anywhere.

127\. and he has a nice one.

128\. call him the best waifu material.

129\. ask him if he is in the Illuminati.

130\. or the LEADer of the Illuminati.

131\. ask him if he has daddy problems.

132\. tell him to go fu** a cactus.

133\. dare him to do a back flip.

134\. make him watch Pewdiepie.

135\. ask him whats tiny and has red fur and different eye colors meows when tries to roar ,but is a total bitch.

136\. make a dog piss on him.

137\. tie his shoe laces together.

138\. bribe Kuroko (with milkshakes of course) to ignite pass his face.

139\. ask him if he ever got a beating from his father.

140\. tell him his absolute speech shit is worse than sasuke's emo phase.

141\. put on an eye patch on him while he is asleep.

142\. cling to him like a monkey,repeatedly throw basketballs at his head until he says you are the emperor.

143\. ask him if he came from hell.

144\. or he lives there.

145\. lock him in a room with Tsukiyama Shuu.

146\. ask him 'who da emperor b!tch' after the Seirin vs Rakuzan match.

147\. replace all of his clothes with a sleeping bag.

148\. tell him he and Kaneki Ken share the same birthday and one eye color.

149\. repeat everything he says as a question.

150\. lock him in a room with Sakata Gintoki.

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**Question time!**

**1\. how did you find my book?**

**I always doubted that anyone would ever read this sh!t.**

**2\. which one do you like the best among them?**

**alright I know that's a tough question but I would still like to know.**

**3\. and last but not the least,have you ever thought you would come across such a weird book?**

**that's pretty self explanatory XD!**


	7. uh hey guys

**hello...been a while, hasn't it (•◡•). sooo lemme explain this all through with only a few words: I HAD NO INTERNET (°ロ°)**

**that's pretty self explanatory and it was probably the worst thing that ever happened xD but the good thing is that I might have made more than 200 ways for this book X3!**

**enjoy (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ**

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151\. lock him in a room with Alex.

152\. tell him his life is full of spoilers because of his emperor eye.

153\. ask him why does he even own a phone.

154\. a flip phone on top of that.

155\. ask him if he can tell what's going to happen next in an on going series.

156\. tell him Hyuuga can give better hair cuts than him.

157\. lock him in a room with Kogane.

158\. tell him that if he is not going to get laid, he should do the yaoi.

159\. or you will lock him in a room with Mary Kozakura, the overlord of yaoi and any guy from the dan.

160\. ask him if he owns a death note.

him if he plays attack on titan.

162\. ask him if he think he is smarter than L.

163\. ask about his thoughts about the new super saiyan god transformation.

164\. tell him that he should join forces with Loki.

165\. lock him in a room with Thor.

166\. ask him is he is secretly likes piyo bird.

167\. ask him f he sings along the opening of Pokemon.

168\. or the opening of Dragon Ball Z.

169\. tell him to talk in Engrish.

170\. ask him if likes team four star.

171\. ask him if he cried cried when Hideyoshi Nagachika dies.

172\. ask him what team is he on, team Chitoge or team Onodera.

173\. lock him in a room with Naruto and Shoyo.

174\. lock him in a room with fangirls and a hidden camera.

175\. show him videos of dogs doing the ding ding dong.

_(no, I haven't seen one myself and never will)_


End file.
